Truly SMH

Imagine being a future pastor who desires to teach a culture of equality, freedom and most of all a culture of righteousness. No deception, trickery, manipulation, etc. But a value for honest and openness. Repentance, and forgiveness the norm. But a group of ppl who believe that as long as the intentions are good, such as making you a pastor or spiritual leader, uses the very tools (deception, trickery, manipulation, etc) you are going to teach against to vet you. They had literally every single person lying and deceiving you making a joke out of your very doctrine. They got even non-believers and ppl already skeptical about church. Now how am i supposed to prove to them church is a good thing when they have seen up close and personal the disgusting side of church. They were used and even encouraged to deceive. Then, when you are justifiably angry, these ppl continue to patronize you and say you just don't understand. We are actually gonna do something great for you, they say. This has been for years now. My church, my job, my family, ministries, organizations and even strangers have all been involved. I took it for years, verbally and in every way I knew how explained I didn't want this, and nor did God. If the church and believers cant distinguish between right and wrong, how can they teach the world? This is the problem. Ppl who mean harm lie, cheat, and steal. Ppl who intend well, lie, cheat, and steal. Satan is sitting back with the greatest smile ever!
They came into my secret place, illegally. They had me make fake friends. There were fake worship services and fake assignments. Co-workers were repeating phrases to me verbatim from privately held conversations in my home. I would pick ppl up from their house to take them to church only to have them insult and lye to me. Friendships were broken. I was used for my service and knowledge only for there to be a lack of integrity and given no honor after the rules were established. If this was just happenstance and Satan, (which it still is ultimately) then fine. But this was a concerted effort spearheaded by believers. What is worse is, under the guise of the good intentions was several that didnt have good intentions. They used this scheme to their advantage.
I can not take anything that comes from this process lest Satan boasts that schemes, tricks, and lies made me what I am. There has to be repentance and space to reflect. These ppl have been so blinded by thinking they are "making" me that they threw all of Gods righteousness out the window. This is exactly Satans plan in focusing ppl on purpose without a care for the souls. With all this said, I boldly say that I expect a healing in the land. I expect an about face change. This is my plea. I wont even mention all the other stuff that went on. The worst thing was the justification of it all. I pray for the souls that have been adversely affected. My God is still a deliverer. Open your hearts. Cease from this behavior. Cease from teaching others of this false righteousness. It can never end well. Do the right thing. Jesus came for us to have the ability to be as he is; righteous. Take advantage.

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